A turd by any other name shall smell as.....

Oh yeah!! SHIT!!! Yeah, I guess. God dammit I can't think of a thing to write. I'll just write about stuff that is threatening our country.

• 40. Taco Bill: Taco Bill is destroying hard working Australian companies with his filthy immigrant food.
• 39. The Sun. Its fuckin hot
• 38. The writers strike in America: If I don't get to see the ends of my favorite shows i'm gonna kill Craig T Nelson
• 37. Nuclear War!: It's a possibility
• 36. Not enough guns: without guns how will we defend ourselves?
• 35. The guy who plays Dougie Houser is gay
• 34. Japanese Games: They actually have subliminal messages like.... you will obey the emperor, what kind of country has an emperor anyway
• 33. Chuck Norris Jokes: I dont get them. I know who Chuck Norris is but, what?
• 32. The Internet: it holds too much information, and pornography
• 31. Reality T.V: as of next the majority of Televesion programs will be reality based, mainly cause of the Writers Strike
• 30. Random Quotes: "Thats no planet.... Its a space Station!"
• 29. Emoticons: how long will it be before we carry around notebooks with emoticons instead of showing expressions :O
• 28. Fire: Ummm yeah, look out for fire
• 27. The Apes at the back of the Oval: They're back with a blood-thirsty vengeance, except now they have guerilla warfare, ever since the president of the united states agreed to trade all of his nukes and missles.... for a banana
• 26. Lightning: just when you thought it was safe to change the roof antenna during a thunderstorm.
• 25. YouTube: They have you on tape somewhere....
• 24. The T-Virus: If you see a mutinous hoard of rampaging zombies get the fuck outta there.
• 23. Small Pox: Yeah, it's back
• 22. SUPER AIDS: need I say more
• 21. Yellow Cake: It sound delicious but its not
• 20. Communist Spies: "Is that a hammer and sickle in your pocket, or are you just happy to destroy Australia
• 19. Radio Active Apes: As if apes weren't bad enough
• 18. Specialist Maths: Its sooo hard
• 17. Deja Vu: Haven't I written this before?
• 16. Old people driving: You're on way down hill anyway, why do you need wheels to speed up the process
• 15. Those fucking Ringtone Adds: Who wants a frog with a tiny dick on their phone
• 14. Mountain Dew: 25% of all premature ejaculations is caused by the dew
• 13. Michael Bay: Man Michael is the worst director in history, he should be punished for every film he ever made, starting with Bad Boys II
• 12. Deja Vu: Haven't I written this before
• 11. Islam: Im pretty sure thats where terrorists come from
• 10. Car Racing: Whats the point, theres no athletic need, its a waste of petrol, it goes for like 200 laps and its boring like hell.
• 9. Immigrants: I suppose the majority of the people in this country were brought here by immigration, but that doesn't mean we should keep letting people in. I say now the country is pretty full, send them to New Zealand.
• 8. Escalators: Its a death trap just waiting to happen
• 7. Uranium: we have alot of uranium
• 6. Super Soilders: Keep your eyes peeled andriods with weird monocles
• 5. The second coming of jesus: this time he's not going down without a fight
• 4. Vicious Dog the reality show: Basically we just get a camera strapped to a vicious dog's head and watch the hilarity.
• 3. Me: I dont even know what im capable of, if anything.
• 2. US!: yes Australia is a massive threat to Australia. The only thing that can stop us is us, and I know where we are, and thats what scares the shit out of me
• 1. Finally, the one you've all been waiting for, the number one threat to this country is.................... BEARS!!!: If you see a bear, dont forget to set the terror alert in your pants to "code brown."
• Song of the Day// You// Radio Head// Pablo Honey

Well thats just brilliant

Sup dudes. I'd love to chat but my mouth is full of coffee cake. Highlights of the week(not exactly, more like since the last time i posted).

• I sanded off some guys face
• I invented a video game where you're some transsexual that gets put in a male prison, and you have to try and not get raped(don't drop the fuckin soap).
• I the apes returned from behind the oval and melted Elina's face off.
• I blew up an action figure
• I passed my Physics Sac
• I staged dived off the 500 block on to the hall
• I gave my self a concussion by kicking myself in the head, then made it worse by falling asleep and going into a coma
• I head-butted Jimmy out a well placed window
• I hunted all the international students for sport.
• I put Rob's name in village people songs
• I added Jimmy to wikipedia. "fuckin mad cunt"
• I got to play drums for an assessment task in business management
• I got a job at target
• Chuck Norris round-house kicked some kid at school. There were no survivors
• Ahhhh fuck my last comment was so long ago
• Resident evil 4 for wii, best game ever

Thats about it... Stay tuned the big 100 is coming soon. This is the 92 post I think.... Song of the day//The Underwater song//Mike Hunt's Band

*Sniff*

Yo yo, its been too fucking long. I havent posted in a while, probally cause I got the wii, which is exellent. Well so here it is. A list of goals I want to achieve before I die.

• Be a human bowling bowl
• Challenge a hobo to a fist fight
• KILL JIMMY
• Launch a potato in to the MCG on grand final day
• Kick someone into a volcano
• Trick someone into parachuting into a volcano
• Jumping a bike over a volcano
• Getting put in jail
• Kick down the front door of the white house
• Get a desk on wheels, put it in george bush's office, glue his hands to it, then kick him out a window.
• Getting a conjical visit from Max in prison
• Dropping a bucket on someones head
• Throw a ham at someone
• Build a time machine
• Save Abe Lincoln
• Wrestle a hippo
• Play drums on a rooftop
• Jump from a two story building into a pool of custard
• Do the same jump blindfolded
• Go to mars (meh, why not)
• Throw a rock at a kid with glasses
• Open my P.I service
• Get launched out of a cannon (preferably into someone)
• Get a mime to speak
• Break something really, really expensive
• Play the corn at a whole school assembly when babbs is trying to talk
• Throw bee hive at max, and watch him try to get away on his crutches
• Beat my chest in front of a massive ape, as if to challenge it
• Get 50 apes to rape Marty at once, film it and put it on youtube
• Whack off on my hand and as the queen goes by in her limo, I'll shoot her.
• Play kill the rich at Omar's house
• Jump into a pit of crabs
• Berrie someone up to their head in the yard, then mow it
• Cement someone up to their waste on the freeway
• Race a street sweeper with a broom
• Steal the High Street sign and put it on my door
• At the end of year 12, brew some piping hot gravy in a bath tub, and poor it on to yr 11s as they enter the building, with a ladle.
• Throw a bowling bowl into a tv
• Make the corn video
• Jump backwards 10 metres
• Break a world record
• Complete that list I just wrote

Is it safe?...

You, who are you? what do you want? The Highlights of my week? why not:

• I started building a time-machine, but then my future self back in time to tell me to stop waisting my time.
• The apes returned from the back of the oval, with flame throwers and switch-blades. Switch blades to take on semi-circles of people, like in the movies.
• Tan exploded
• I lit a chicken on fire to prove a point
• I got new cymbals for drum kit, ZHT zilidjians
• I ended slavery
• I told some guy that the next time he waltz with Matilda he should check her Adam's apple, CAUSE SHE'S A DUDE!
• I watched Wayne's world... a-fuckin-gain
• "Benjamin is nobody's friend. If Benjamin were an ice-cream flavour, he'd be prailings... and dick."
• I threw potatoes into the MCG
• I watched helplessly as Marty punched someone with down syndrome
• Ah the rage is relentless
• I re-enacted the civil war with monkeys
• "...... until the handle breaks off and you have to find a doctor to pull it back out again."
• I caught the ape in a butterfly net and released on Jim while he was sleeping
• I trained a gorilla to whack off on Marty
• I fly kicked a monkey
• I threw a keg at Omar
• I grew a tree in Jim's parent's room, then blamed it on Jim
• I put a billboard outside of Michael's house to block out the sun.
• I had my thumb bit off by a hobo
• An old lady fell over and hit her head on a bin on the way down.
• I turned a bus full of nuns

Song of the week // Blues From Down Here // Tv on the Radio// Return to Cookie Mountain

Beefus's Bogus Journey

Sup dudes, I am posting yet again, yeah you thought I was joking when I said I was back well I wasn't, so there. Well time to get to it. Max's party was last Friday, it was probally the best party I've ever been to. If you weren't there here's what you missed out on:

• Me getting toasted
• Heaps of other people getting toasted.
• Germany invading
• St Patrick's day count down
• Me throwing a jacket at a light
• Me becoming the king
• Someone breaking the light in the hallway
• A FIRE IN THE LOBBY
• I got the corn flakes
• Me bagging Moses
• Me bagging pretty much every religion; including aestheticism.
• I threw the corn flakes into mount doom
• Did I mention I was toasted?
• We PLAYED SINGSTAR
• I was shouting for max, and when I couldn't find him I laid down in the hallway, and didn't let anyone pass.
• Lots of pink elephants
• Me coming out of the closet as being a straight man, I admit it, I'm straight.
• I gave heaps of people hugs
• I fell over, 6 times
• I took off my shirt and rolled on it
• I threw a pram at some kid
• I did a back flip off the padeo
• I kept telling everyone to come to the padeo, but they wouldn't listen
• I BROKE MAX'S GUITAR!
• I started dancing in the middle of some circle
• I fly kicked someone in the nads
• Michael was trying to have his way with Max's sister
• Jim and I kicked down max's door when he was in there making out
• I threw a chair on Max's bed
• Michael almost got hit by a train on the way home
• He held his ears in rage as the train went by beeping its horn

Thats about all I can remember from that Song of the Week// Wolf Like Me// Tv on the Radio // Return to Cookie Mountain. Fucking awesome band, if you havent heard of them, now you have.

If Jesus Was was a flavour of Icecream....

Yes that's right, I'm back... I'm pretty damn sick of myspace, It was all right at first. It just got annoying having everyone having one. I mean I can understand if you're a band and you want people to hear you're music, or if your a celebrity and people actually care what you have to say, then its pretty cool. I dunno, maybe I'm just delusional, but I think blogs are much more fun. Well heres a list of ways Ive out smarted the government

• I put a cardboard cut-out of George Bush on the roof of the white house then lit it on fire.
• I told activists that the white house has a wine cellar filled with dead bodies
• I covered my hand with mayonnaise and shook the queens hand as she went by in her limo, sure, I was shot six times, but it was worth it.
• I brain-washed an ape into hating the government, then unleashed it on John Howard as he went out for his morning power walk.
• I poured piping hot gravy on the republicans as the they entered the house of representatives.
• I ate the presidents apple.
• I replaced the prime ministers speech with a bunch of epilepsy jokes.
• I wrote George Bush an evaluation on the war in Iraq
• I fried an egg on John Howard's head
• I put out a cigarettes on George Bush's dog's eye
• I told the president it was possible to smoke through your butthole, and they find it very flattering in most Asian countries
• I glued head phones on George Bush and forced him to listen to the corn
• I injected Prince Charles with the T-Virus
• I did donuts on capital hill (If you don't know what what capital hill is your a communist)
• I glued the presidents hand to a potatoe
• I jumped out of the photo copier and suprised the prime minister
• I buried George Bush up to his head in my front lawn, then mowed it
• I fired a cannon into the presidents chest as he opened the door.
• I wrote this list

Song of the Day//Feel Good Hit of the Summer// Queens of the Stone Age //Restricted